Les and Leslie Parrott are the authors of a wonderful marriage preparation book titled, Saving Your Marriage before it Starts. The ten chapters outline and detail premarital preventive efforts. Together they teach the skills needed to transition from the “single” life to the “married” life. This is a wonderful book that should be required reading before a couple enters married life.
The book does not specifically list five common mistakes newlyweds make, but rather marriage myths and struggles newlyweds face. After reading the first few chapters, couples learn the certain types of expectations to avoid after marriage. After combining the top five faulty expectations newlyweds face, it becomes clear that there are five common mistakes newlyweds make.
They Expect Everything to Fall into Place
Expecting everything to fall into place insinuates that marriage does not require any work at all. Naïve newlyweds think love will be enough to pull them through the worst of the hardships that come along with marriage. Love is a factor in the success of a marriage, but so is the degree of commitment, intimacy and passion.
Les and Leslie Parrott describe that these three factors work together to create a balance of the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of a marriage. Learning to balance all three factors is a skill that requires time and communication. By balancing commitment, intimacy and passion the marriage will not be lacking or empty.
They Have Spent More Time Preparing for Their Wedding than Their Future
Hours and hours were poured into trying on dresses, determining the perfect color coordination and cake testing, but there has been a lack of communication in life after the wedding. They haven’t discussed the division of chores or who will manage the finances.
There are many unspoken, unwritten rules that each couple possesses and automatically assumes the other to know. For example, a husband and a wife come to a disagreement about who cooks dinner. The husband assumes his wife will cook in the kitchen, producing scrumptious, home-cooked meals because he is accustomed to seeing his mother in this role. However, the wife was raised in a single-parent household and her father was the one who prepared the meals.
The Parrotts urge couples to discuss the roles of each partner before they jump onto the marriage bandwagon to avoid hasty arguments.
They Have Unrealistic Expectations of Change
Women commonly make the hopeful assumption that her husband will turn away from his sports-watching, beer-drinking guy’s nights out. Newlywed wives assume those days flew out the window when he said, “I do.” This will obviously lead to major disappointments and possibly post-wedding blues.
Couples have to accept their partner for who they are. After all, they did fall in love and chose to marry knowing the other’s flaws and imperfections.
They Think Their Spouse Will Complete Them
This can become a dangerous situation all too fast. One or both partners will begin to rely too heavily on the other for happiness and joy. The authors stress the fact that they will become too dependant; leaving little room for either one of them to be able to grow as a person.
Being married is a wonderful opportunity for a person to be their own person, with separate hobbies and activities than their spouse, yet still be able to share their passions with the other.
They Believe Everything Will Get Better after They are Married
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. When a husband and wife move in together they discover the other’s bad habits, making them a little less desirable than before. Thinking that everything will get better with the commitment of marriage means there probably wasn’t much commitment to begin with. The couple has unresolved issues prior to their marriage and this is baggage that will only continue to burden their relationship and become worse as long as it stays unresolved.
Also, the romantic feelings will eventually fade. A lot of couples find this terrifying, but it is a chance to be able to rely on a deeper growth of love and understanding that romance doesn’t always fulfill.
Ashlely Woods - Ashley Woods is an aspiring freelance writer specializing in marriage and relationships. In 2006, after graduating from Wichita State ...
